will i be able to? is my desire strong enough? i only want to....is that too much to ask? why is it so hard? what am i doing wrong? since when was i ever right? im never good enough....
taken from: fb

i need to practice till my mouth dries up.

my recent photos:
PP

MAY'S HSE LONG AGO

DRINKING & CHILLING

CLUBBING

Love is a great thing
If only you knew..

Published at 11:55 AM

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kk chill manz...aaaaaahhhhhh..............

NUMBER 1
i keep closing pillowpad.
sure its a gd thing.
but i aimed for more.
k maybe my desire nt dr.
maybe i wasnt pushing enuf.
i do hv my doubts.
but .. but .. but ..
OH! COME ON!!!

i want to close queen!
single!
something BIG!!!
m i being too greedy?
is tt too much to ask?

NUMBER 2
here cums my confidence.
since i was a little girl,
oh! reminds me of a song!

when i was just a little girl;
i ask my mama wad shall i be?
shall i be pretty? shall i be rich?
this is what she said to me..

back to my self-less-ness.
since i was young, pri sch.
all de way to even poly.
i was loner, shy, timid, scarety cat.
seriously i was.
when i came to ve.
i tot wow!! this system can really change me.
to a better person.
more poise!
confidence!
etc etc etc ...

but nnooooo.....
it din wrk out.
so dr goes lesson num 1.
den i join pp!
i was like hmm...
nt bad...
nt too gd either..
sum things nvr change...
but still...
can la can la.
true, i was like tt.
like go wit de flow.
take wadeva tts cumin to me.

but den i learn.
de more i learn de more i start to believe.
de more i beleive de more hope comes within me.
more hope means more effort.
more effort equals to more results.
& sure enuf, yay!!!
i got promoted to de nxt lvl!!
whoohoo!!! yahoo!!! yipee!!

NUMBER 3
yikes!!
den cums my nxt issue of de mth.
MY MOTHER
i dunno.
all thru my sch yrs i did feel tt she nvr supported me in wadeva i do in whicheva way.

cheerleading.
man i loved it.
true i was too young nt vv serious & well de outfit is kinda too revealling.
ok skip tt. lol

band.
i joined coz i had interest.
i had potential.
hey i helped CBSS BAND win GOLD MEDAL in SYF u noe.
we lacked manpower but we had guts.
hey i was de only 1 small tiny gal @ de side playing perfect rythms wit de marimba @ glockenspiel & chimes & xylophone.
yeah!! i played all tt all by meself =P

im proud of it.
but mak nvr knew.
mak nvr wanted to know.
did she even cared?

nxt, bbq chicken.
i ventured out of de suckiest tp life i can eva hv.
into f&b industry.
wer i got to noe a fabulous young mgr Mr Sim
he was de one who taught me basic service.
he was de one to show me dos & donts wen serving cust.
he was my mentor.
i was his follower.
i had visions of becoming like him.
as successful as he is.
i had high hopes & i did my vv best to achieve it.

but then came my mum
nagged @ day aft day aft day aft day.
low pay? yes
long hrs till no time see family? yes
wrk my ass off till too tired help mum do housewrk? yes
sumtimes overwrk til fall sick den slp whole day @ hm doin nth? yes
pay so low tt still hv to depend on mak aft 20th evry mth for transport fee? yes
wrk so hard for so long but still stagnant? yes

IN CONCLUSION
low pay long hrs for 2 yrs with no promotion
tt really sucks to de core.

sure 1st yr i was only pt.
but i really wrk hard.
i was definitely tryin my best to be leader.
learn fm other mgrs.
teach new staff.
den i even join ft to help comp.
coz i ask him tis qn, tis 1 qn which was essential to make my decision tt time.
i asked, "will this bbq chicken be successful in the long run?"
he replied, "yes"

i believed him & fought tgr wit him by his side helping him all de way.
till 1 day i realised..
i feel tt im wrkin longer hrs den mak but im being paid less.
found out tt other f&b comp pays more,
much much more.
so halfway i gy up. always creatin probs 4 mgrs but keep it secret fm sim.
den family pops up.
my dad la, de NUMBER 1 TROUBLE MAKER / HEART BREAKER / DISSAPOINTER PLUS A VERY HUMONGOUS ASSHOLE OF A DOG SHIT

jeez i hate him as much as i love him.
but as time goes by.
hate increases & love decreases.

so folks tt is all i hv fir tdy.
hope u enjoyed my vv emo post =P
log on to fb & add me!!!
fifa-caspjm@hotmail.com

Love is a great thing
If only you knew..

Published at 11:50 PM

omg Omg oMg omG OMg OmG oMG OMG oh-my-goddess!!!

life has been pretty mashed up since i last posted..

pop has appeard in my life again..
mak is still de same..
all de same wen she toks bout him too..
ayah is wrkin & adapting..
i feel tt hes de most capable being i hv eva met..
if i can juz get my sales & recruit him..
its gonna be a tough ride..

i hv confession to make..
been keeping inside of meself fer too long..
hey i feel a song coming on!

its been so long long long
since i hv seeeeeen ur face
i dunno de rest of de lyrics
i suck right?
yeah, big time..
kk heres de deal
i tell u gd tings 1st kay?
wokay!!! haha lol
lame ~

i like the challenge.
i love being the newbie.
i want to learn more.
be more.
progress more.
become more.
i know i can if i want to.
my head is in it.
oh yeah 100% tt is.
but my heart..
juz cant get to it...
why?
heres why

1. family issues
thats top priority tt is!
big issue
vv humongously gigantically frantically *ok tts so exagerating* big!

2. me, myself & i ^_^
okay..so act cute
bluek!
haha lol
haiz ok lame ~ again
wen i was young..cheh like grandma story
long, long time ago..
in the southern province of china
no la its juz s'pore dude
okok
since young i hv been tis quiet shy timid little gal
due to family issues tt is
i spent half of my pri 1 yr in hospital
nonono not abuse
i had neumonia
bingo!
aft tt i kinda shrank a little so my mum says
ir was it i nvr grew @ all?
anyhow since den we kept moving houses
geez i cant tell u how sick & tired i am of moving.
i cudnt make much frenz.
1 thing coz i was quiet.
im nt de friendly type
tt was all de way to poly
till ppl started calling me sombong coz i nvr spoke to no one

buut im lucky
damn lucky
i made frenz
tho a few
dey real gd frenz
so was tinking
if i were like all else
u noe outgoing & such
i wud hv made more frenz
but i wud nt hv those u can really rely on
i wudnt noe who
tho i still dunno who
coz i hv always kept tots to meself
by meself
suffer meself
pity meself by meself
only 1 person in the world knows de real me
& tts N

but now times changed.
she no longer nds me s much as i nd her.
can burden her mit my tots right?
so i keep to myself.
de process of loneliness leading to darkness starts all over again T_T

so heres de deal.
im no longer a sch gal
im young adult
i hv to be more mature
more flexible
more open
needa adapt to changes
huh
reminds me of the talk yest
so wads my plan?
agnore tis stupid guilt of mine & MOVE FORWARD!!!

tink i wrote too many things tt lead to other things in tt 2nd pt
oh well
better out than in shrek always says
ahahahaha!
whoahahahahah!
nyahahahahahah!
ok lame ~

Love is a great thing
If only you knew..

Published at 11:07 AM